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Break Free of Dysfunction and Be Responsible for Yourself

In your family of origin, there were certain dynamics that contributed to what you believe and how you behave. For example, if there was drug or alcohol abuse occurring, chances are you weren’t allowed to show emotion, might have had to parent your parents although you were just a child, or developed unhealthy coping mechanisms, like detachment, that allowed you survive the trauma.

So many of us come from a dysfunctional home, either because of addictions of parents or other family members, verbally or physically abusive relationships, divorce, or death of a family member, etc.

The good news is you can unlearn the unhealthy coping mechanisms and turn your own life around.

A Personal Story

I grew up in an alcoholic home. Both my parents drank. Both were emotionally unavailable. It was back in the day when children were to be seen but not heard. I developed a coping skill of pretending to be invisible and people pleasing to keep my parents from getting angry.

As an adult, I married an alcoholic. After living over 33 years in marriage to an emotionally unavailable man not capable of having a healthy relationship, I separated from him with my teenage son.

Why do I tell you think?

Sometimes you feel stuck, like you have no options.  I didn’t believe I had any options. I had given my life to Jesus Christ in 2000 and it was my intent to stay married until death due us part, as it should be.

However, after trying for years to reach my husband and seek help for our marriage I discovered I was only hitting my head against a brick wall. Until, one day, God sent multiple people into my life to offer me a different vision of what life could be like.

Always Get Another Perspective

One woman I met was married to an alcoholic as well. In her case, she was able to hold her boundary. If her husband wanted to stay with her, he would have to get in a program and work on his addiction. And he did! They are still married today.

Another woman I know was forced to flee her husband with their infant son due to physically abuse. She literally left with only the clothes on her back. She was able to get away from him and start a whole new life.

Another friend of mine was married to an alcoholic woman, who would not give up her wine. He left her several times but always went back. Until one day, he couldn’t take it any more and left her for good.

What I discovered about myself was that I was a passive participant in my life. I had always just gone along with whatever came my way. That’s what I thought you were supposed to do. I had never really made a choice to do anything before. I often said yes to just about anything that came my way. (Part of the people pleasing issue!)

So, imagine my surprise, when I got to the point where I couldn’t take it any longer and someone suggested I could move out?

What? That’s an option?

Take Action For You

I honestly didn’t know it was an option.  From there I began to learn to take responsibility for myself and my choices. As Marie Forleo says “Everything is Figure-out-able.”

I started making decisions that lead me in a better direction.  One of those choices was to start my own marketing & copywriting business.

That brings me to the point of this post.

Sometimes it takes others to help you see your options.

It did for me. And it probably will be for you too.

It’s wise to get advice from someone who has been where you are. If you’re considering starting a business or have just launched a business, you might benefit from a resource I created.

The Five Common Mistakes People Make When Starting a Business was made to save you a ton of frustration and speed up the success of your business by avoiding mistakes of others.

How Squash Those Hidden Negative Beliefs That Hold You Back and Reprogram Your Brain in Your Favor

Did you know that 90% of what you think is repetitive? You’re thinking the same thing over and over again without realizing it.

Isn’t that crazy?

Your mind is the most powerful asset you possess. If it’s not managed well, it can be your worst enemy.

Don’t believe me?

Have you ever thought…?

  • “I’m not good enough”
  • “I’m not creative”
  • “Who would ever listen to me?”
  • “Who do you think you are?”

Well, those are automatic negative thoughts that continue to run in your subconscious mind. The problem with those thoughts is they tear you down, make you feel insecure, and erode your self-esteem and confidence.

A true story

I recently discovered I had harbored a belief that I wasn’t a writer. It shook my confidence every time I made a proposal for a writing project. Consequently, I didn’t get much response on my proposals! No surprise there! When negative thoughts are allowed to exist without challenge, they interfere with more than we could ever imagine.  

However, when I identified the belief “I’m not a writer” I was able to challenge that belief with facts to the contrary. For example, I’ve written and published over 22 books. I’m a certified direct response copywriter who had to pass significant examination to become certified. I’ve also been hired to write for more 30+ clients.

When I reviewed the facts, I saw this objectively and realized that old belief “I’m not a writer” wasn’t helping me. Therefore, I chose to reject that belief.

Anytime that old belief pops up, I simply remind myself to the contrary and look at the facts that tell me, “Yes, I am, in deed, a writer.”

Conversely, how might you feel if you heard thoughts like these?

  • “I am wonderfully and fearfully created”
  • “I am valuable”
  • “I am loved”
  • “I am worthy of love”
  • “I am accepted”

You’d probably feel more secure, balanced, confident, and willing to try new things. Your self-esteem would rise and you’d present yourself to the world much more positively.

Everyone of us is responsible for how we think. Sadly, no one taught us the power of our thoughts in school. No one told us we don’t have to believe every thought that comes into our mind.

But now you know.

Take Charge of Your Thoughts

Finding these hidden beliefs can be difficult. In my case, I was running into a brick wall with my business and I reached out to colleague of mind. As I shared some of my thoughts about my frustrating situation, she commented on how each statement I made seemed to point to the same underlining belief that I didn’t think I was good enough.

That sent me on the process of discovery to determine where that thought came from.

After praying about it, journaling my thoughts down on paper, and analyzing the thoughts I’d written, it became very clear I struggled with the belief I wasn’t good enough. 

For each thought, I would look for evidence to the contrary of that thought. Which, in a way, cancels out that negative thought with facts that say otherwise.

Change Your Thoughts in Four Easy Steps

Step 1: Get into the habit of journaling your thoughts at least once a week.

Step 2: Assess the thoughts and see where those thoughts lead you. If they don’t help you reach your goals, consider reprogramming your mind with new thoughts.

Step 3: Gather evidence that counters the old thought.

Step 4: Remind yourself of that evidence anytime the old thought pops up.

The thoughts you think have a tremendous effect on your success. If you’re thinking about starting a business, you’d be wise to consider how your thoughts can help you reach your goals or hinder your progress. 

When I started my business, hidden beliefs were not even on my radar and as a result, it took me a little longer to really get things going.  That’s why I want to share with you the Five Common Mistakes People Make When Starting a Business. So, you can save a ton of frustration and speed up your own progress.